16.12.08

bills bills bills

soo funny..... check it out
http://www.geekologie.com/2008/11/good_idea_man_submits_drawing.php

Aug.18,2008 Cold Mountain, North Carolina

They call this war a cloud over the land. But they made the weather and then they stand in the rain and say 'Sh**, it's raining!' (Cold Mountain 2003)

I just finished watching " Cold Mountain" with Nicole Kidman, Renee Zellweger,and Jude law. It's about the Civil War and this soldier(Jude Law) tries to make it back to the woman(Nicole Kidman) he loves in Cold Mountain, North Carolina.This is my second time seeing this movie. It's been years since my first time. But I remember that quote.

The first time I heard it. I said YES!! Because it's so true. Not only with what was going on in the movie,but true to real life. I get this from my Dad. The desire to find the hidden meaning in every movie. Haha.What I like about this quote from Renee Zellweger is that. We want something so badly, we may pray for it and hope, even make it happen. Sometimes it doesn't turn out to be what we expected. We become bitter, hurt or just plain upset. Sometimes even resorting to blame.Wanting and needing are so different but are often misconstrued. I know this well because I do it at times.We talk ourselves into things.....

sept. 11,2008

I just wanted to go over one of the thoughts in my head. Has anyone heard that new song by Usher. Its about moving mtns. THINGS you can't move. So you LEAVE them. You walk away from them. It's never been easy for me to let go. When I have something in my heart, in my head. I hold steadfast to it. I try my best to fight for it. Some battles aren't worth fighting for I realize that later on down the road. Some aren't meant for you to win. I truly believe this and I tell my friends the same thing. Everything happens for a reason.Good and Bad.

Don't take anything for granted especially people. If you love someone let them know. Don't be afraid of love. To love. Yeah its gonna hurt. But life is worth the pain and laughter, joy and sorrow. Its worth it. Its worth the time it takes to realize that some mountains you can't move. . You have to leave them. I think sometimes we hold on to things even though it may hurt because we become comfortable with the pain. We associate the pain with being alive. I know, I know it really doesn't make sense,but we are strange beings. I'm the one that gives a 100%, the one who doesn't want to walk away,but knows I should.I'm the fighter standing beside the mountain metaphorically speaking. A mountain filled with so many rocks and boulders called disappointment, and fear.. you catch my drift? . I'm standing there with my ounce of hope that fire of optimism that causes me to fight. And sometimes it just not meant to be. Somethings you just have to leave.

This topic reminds me of that prayer:
God, grant me the SERENITYto accept the things I cannot change ~COURAGE to change the things I can;and WISDOM to know the difference.

Something to think about.. the wisdom to know the difference between things you can change and things you can't. Just reading that at first. Your like how can you not know the difference. But when your facing something, or someone. It's hard to know . It can be hard figuring out the differnce. What are the mountains in your life?

dreams built in the sand

dreams built in the sand


Too many times I've put my dreams in the hands of others
I allowed them to build visions with me without a foundation.
So in the end nothing was accomplished.
With that said. It is best to be friends first before lovers
November 6, 2007 - Tuesday
mi vida
I always give something.Even when i feel like there is nothing left.I dig deep within me for something to give, and they take it and leave nothing in return ,but sorrow.-e.R.

Im sorry, I change my mind

i lost my way.
i changed my mind.
i took it all for granted.
i gave up my birthright.
i made a plan and it didn't include you.
i only hoped you would forgive me.
when i stood before you.

will a man rob God?
he will.
because i have.

will a man love himself and despise his neighbor?
He will.
because i have.

will a man turn his back on the lover of his soul?
he will
because i have.

in that day i became blinded by the disappointment of my life
i choose darkness over light, and i walked around in the valley of decision planning to step into death.

i nolonger listened to reason.
i wrote them letters.
i apologized for what was about to take place.
i kissed them all good-bye.

right before i took my step.
you pulled my in.

even though i leaned to my own understanding
rather than let you be in control
i tried to take things into my hands

your ways are higher than my own

you held me through till the eyes of my understanding were enlightened

11.20.07

11.20.07
I thought about you today, yesterday and the day before
And my heart is still tender with loss
Every time I mention you
reality crashes in
my heart swells
my chest gets tight
my eyes water
The realization of you not existing IN THIS LIFE anymore overwhelms me
I know you are at peace
So I will be also

gains and looses

gains and losses
His back was turned
His head was low and I couldn't see for the lights were out inside of me

Abba
Abba have you forgotten me?
I tapped and I tapped at the small the small of his back for his shoulders were too high for me to reach

I cried and I cried
But he wouldn't hear my reasons why
Why won't you listen to what I have to say

I whined
Smitten by my ways
Wrapped in a crocked path of lies and sin
Covered in my own deceit

I fought hard not to believe that all of this was inside of me

I never asked to be forgiven, but forgiven was all he would say

I snatched it
grasping it with my hands

I took it and ran shouting

Thank you for a new beginning

my official blog Post

* note to reader: I have been blogging on myspace since July. These are my blogs from past to present


OK, so I have decided to become a blogger. Since I have changed jobs I'm not able to be as creative as I would like to be. And its driving me up the wall. People who are naturally creative and artistic understand this. You long to do something with your hands. You desire to be challenged. To utilize your mind.So why not write?(this is what I said to myself) It's one of the things I love to do. I'm not to good with expressing myself verbally, but here. On paper. It comes natural. Yet it challenges me. It keeps me real. It keeps me honest with myself and you. I wouldn't lie to you. Not sure if anyone is going to read anything I have to say. Oh, well. So, I
guess I should set the stage for what you can expect from me as an official blogger. ooh lalala
1. Boredom. I said I wouldn't lie to you
2. Mis spelled word. (do not send me comments correcting my grammatical errors you will be dropped from my buddy list FOREVER) besides who has time for spell check?
3. Randomness.what can I say its a part of who I am Random
4. Passion. I love the Lord and he loves me. Often I will write about him. because he is the lover of my soul. He gives me the hope. don't like it to bad
5. Emotion. sometimes you will cringe with sickness from all the emotional details. Ha! don't get your hopes up my life is boring.
I'm going to give this thing a go. Probably a couple times a week. We will see how it goes. until then....